i learned recently about this thing called santa and now i understand why you dont find me scary.
you humans decided youre ok with a costumed man breaking into your homes (even i have to be invited over a threshold!) and eating your food. he watches your children while they sleep. i may suck blood, but at least i dont suck the blood of children (i can make exceptions for teens) or watch them sleep you loony humans. you make your mewling children sit on this santa’s lap. isn’t that literally like handing them to a predator? is this where the santa imprints upon the child such that it cannot escape? gross.
last, reindeer cant fly. ive tried to make undead reindeer fly, and trust me, its not worth the magic cost. also, a red-nosed reindeer that shines a light is the most terrifying thing you could have come up with. headlights on cars (i’ll get around to talk about cars later, maybe) are bad enough.
Count Vlad Dracula Tepes was invited against H.R.R. Gorman’s best interest, but he swears that anti-vampire racism will one day come back to literally bite us all. Not one to rock the boat, H.R.R. Gorman set Dracula up with this limited WordPress blogging account.
Dracula doesn’t like typing, looking at computer screens, or garlic. He enjoys dark sunsets, nights out on the town, and type O+.