Sleep is for the weak
SON
So listen to these ill tweaks
To the story of the real OG.
Itsy bitsy spider
In the house.
Climb up that waterspout.
Going up clean aluminum,
Ain’t touching that nasty grout.
But here comes the rain!
Aluminum’s too slick now!
Give them a world of PAIN!
Gonna bust a cap
In the weatherman
Lying to me bout this crap.
How am I gonna spin a web
When it’s wet outside?
Let me call up buddy Jeb!
Ring Ring
Ring Ring
Ring Ring
“Hello? Nuclear Fire you say?
That’s the way I like it –
Radiation everyday!”
Dry up that pipe and climb
Reach the top of the drain
And rejoice with sick rhyme.
Word.
***
This was written for the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest on Chelsea Owens’s blog. This week, the topic was Nursery Rhymes – so I chose “Itsy Bitsy Spider.” The picture alone has to get me points to win.
Also, I know little to nothing about rap… so I’m working off bad stereotypes. Sorry.
Let Me Tell You the Story of... 
Good one. Have you tried rapping it out loud? 😂
Lol – I’m not even sure I can rap!
😊
Aha! that was excellent! I can hear the back beat rhythm….
Glad someone can, haha!
LOL! A little beat-box in the background and it’s perfect.
I’m sure you’re a big rap fan too, haha!
Not very much, but I know what it is when I hear it. LOL
Oh, wow, I remember singing the song to my kindergarten kids ages ago. Very nice poem going in and out of the song. It’s a scary creepy spider though!
Or a mean spider! Never been a big fan of spiders, myself.
Not me either, big or small. We have so many inside and outside of the house. I don’t know how they get into the house.
Have you tried calling an exterminator? Sometimes just getting rid of the ants or something like that can help.
Yes, I used to have it done annually. Now we just call them as needed. I let my husband decide when to call them. He waits until it gets worse. 🙂
I really love spiders (in fact I want a tarantula as a pet but they’re not allowed in this country and neither are sugar gliders sadly) so I enjoyed it 🙂
Tarantulas aren’t allowed as pets in NZ?! That’s actually surprising to me. Even though it’s not my desire and never will be, I don’t think they make bad pets except for the fact that females can live for 30 years (and you have to be able to commit to that kind of timeframe).
Biosecurity here is taken very seriously.
Ohhh, so like keeping out the rabbits?
Well we’ve already got rabbits here, but they don’t want anything that could potentially pose a danger to our native birds, insects, or flora.
This one just BEGS for music. 😉
Yay! Maybe I’m musically talented after all, haha!
You never know until you try…
Lol – church would say I’ve tried!
We get the audio version of this now, right? 😀
Haha, no – I can barely sing, and I doubt I would be good at rap!
But, but… rappers can’t sing, either.
Ah, we obviously don’t study the same music history podcasts! Either way, I shan’t rap – ‘twould be an embarrassment, and it would spoil the secret of what gender I am irl, haha!
I haven’t time for anything besides breathing in and out these days. 🙂
This was amusing! Thanks for sharing! I am a Creative Life Coach and have a poetry blog in case you have time to read? http://www.peacockpoetryblog.wordpress.com and I am also on Instagram as #coachingcreatively, let’s follow each other if you use this medium? Have a good day? Sam 🙂
I followed you on WP – but I don’t have an instagram account. Looking forward to seeing more of your poetry on my feed!
Thank you! 🙂
Oh, I 100% believe that this is the inner dialogue/rap of spiders. Those slick bitches know they inspire so much fear from humans, they know they’re the Eminem/Tupac of animals/insect/arachnid world.
Lol!