#CountVlad – On Hospitals


i am guest author on h.r.r. gorman’s page – count vlad dracula tepes

one thing you humans have perfected since i went in my ensorceled crypt is hospitals.  i recently went to a hospital in order to inspect this place where humans now willingly give blood to people

what a wonderful, marvelous place.  i have never been a fan of capitalism since i’m a monarchy man  myself but the utter pain and misery seen in these places is astounding.  you very effectively concentrate the area in which humans die.  i like how you can smell blood in certain wards and how they store it so neatly and effectively.

how do i get one of those blood storage compartments for myself i wonder.  and how do i get people to send me blood in those bags.  i think modern technology has made it such that i can effectively drink from people without killing them which is unfortunate but might allow me greater range and freedom in the world.

however there were some awful things at the hospital that were also driven by capitalism.  there was a guy with a cross around his neck who said he was a chaplain.  when i asked him what in the blue blazes a chaplain was doing at such a godless science place as a hospital he said it was to help assuage people with dead loved ones.  what horse hockey.  now i know the hospital is religiously protected and i can’t make any of those raids i was planning.  you sick bastards.


Count Vlad Dracula Tepes was invited against H.R.R. Gorman’s best interest, but he swears that anti-vampire racism will one day come back to literally bite us all.  Not one to rock the boat, H.R.R. Gorman set Dracula up with this limited WordPress blogging account.   

Dracula doesn’t like typing, looking at computer screens, or garlic.  He enjoys dark sunsets, nights out on the town, and type O+. 

19 thoughts on “#CountVlad – On Hospitals

    • Count Vlad Dracula Tepes says:

      yeah i need to figure out how to convert gems and gold and jewelry into this ‘dollar’ thing people seem to want. then i will be successful for sure.

    • Count Vlad Dracula Tepes says:

      i am beginning to understand why you call rich people vampires if i’m being honest. they’re so powerful and cool.

  1. Alexander Elliott says:

    Vlad, baby, you’re going abut this the wrong way! We know you can drink without killing, so assemble yourself a harem and go to town. I’m sure with your classic looks you can attract any number of willing donors – just be prepared to spend a lot of time in the bedroom!

    • Count Vlad Dracula Tepes says:

      haha i need my three ladies for sure. i also have heard that if i cover myself in glitter that i will be somehow more attractive.

  2. Jackie says:

    Welcome to the blogging world Vlad! (I can use an exclamation point freely since we’ll likely never meet in person).

    You should make use of voice to text software, that should take care of at least one of your problems.

  3. Jules says:

    We all it seems have our ‘food’ preferences. I wonder though if with a bit of looking that one couldn’t just order what was needed. Perhaps one day there will be a food service like Door Dash that will accommodate the needs of the likes or our friend Vlad 😉

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