This was written for the final Terrible Poetry Contest, a morbid lament about something long gone. I had to pull out something truly terrible that rhymed, and this – this is my final chance at victory!
Those who are faint of heart may turn away, but there is nothing truly offensive below. Just quite foul.
Look how ye curl
Above the water’s surface
You big, sassy turd, source of my pride.
Rare is the whorl
Which rises enough to lance
Through soft, golden expanse, brave height.
But now, brown pearl,
I must take the flushing stance
And send you away, unforgotten but affright.
Thou doth swirl
In a porcelain water-dance
Amidst ribbons and twills of white.
Gone! Flushed, hurled!
My mind is blown, in a trance,
That I couldn’t share your largess and might.
The joy of my innards
When you escaped by chance
During a bowel movement after midnight!
I’ll never unfurl
Our secret toilet stance
That created you, the biggest turd of my life.
Yes, this was about the sadness one feels when flushing a turd so big you kind of feel proud.
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