it’s finally here. since i am able to perform upwards of 200 procedures per week, the fda was given plenty of phase one clinical trial data. [H.R.R. Gorman edit: To understand this sentence, you may want to read the count’s recent post about inventing vampiric liposuction]. because of this i have started incorporating my company and lining up patients for phase two.
you people here on the blog have been endlessly annoying but i have to say i appreciate your lessons on the finer points of typing and your volunteering to tide me over with blood for the time being. it seems, however, that i am seeing a massive windfall of blood that i cannot keep up the demand for. in a few weeks i will need to hire an assistant, which will necessitate them losing their soul and becoming an immortal creature of the night. this is because america is full of people who want to participate in the lipivamping revolution and melt those pounds away. i need a vampire willing to sort through oodles and oodles of fat for the modicum of blood you’ll get on the side, and it’s not easy. but it is legal.
if you would like to apply for the job let me know in the comments.
Count Vlad Dracula Tepes was invited against H.R.R. Gorman’s best interest, but he swears that anti-vampire racism will one day come back to literally bite us all. Not one to rock the boat, H.R.R. Gorman set Dracula up with this limited WordPress blogging account.
Dracula doesn’t like typing, looking at computer screens, or garlic. He enjoys dark sunsets, nights out on the town, and type O+.