Welcome to the Witty Nib Writing Club, where we study all things writing and look to hone our craft! This week we look at a subject that can be very touchy to a bunch of people for a bunch of reasons: eating.
Sometimes, when we’re on a writing binge, it can get pretty intense and we don’t want to stop and consume a calorie or two – here’s a few quick recipes that may float your boat.
5. Lazy Nachos
Fair warning: dogs will beg aggressively when you make this.
- Chips of any variety
- Microwave safe container
- Sprinkle chips on the plate, keeping them to a single layer if you can.
- Sprinkle cheese evenly over chips.
- Microwave like 30 seconds or something to melt the cheese.
- Shove it in your face hole.
You can add other things like salsa, black beans, hot sauce, cilantro, or other things to enhance the flavor profile. Or olives if you’re Satan.
4. Creatively Eaten Cereal
Cereal has several calories and other things people need to survive.
- Viscous, sticky food (I suggest peanut butter)
- Bowl (suggested, not required if you eat this over the sink)
- Put a bunch of viscous, sticky food on your spoon.
- Pour the cereal somewhere. This can be your hand or a bowl.
- Stick the sticky food onto the cereal.
- Lick off the cereal and a layer of sticky food.
- Repeat steps 3 and 4 until you run out of cereal or sticky food.
You can change this up by choosing a different viscous, sticky food:
- Peanut butter or other nut butters
- Yogurt (shown)
- Corn syrup (bowl required)
- Honey (hard, but can be done without a bowl)
- Sweetened condensed milk that has been in the fridge overnight
- Ice cream
Agave is too liquid to do an actual good job here. I swear I didn’t try to do this over the sink once, and there was definitely no associated mess.
3. A Dank Grilled Cheese
Let’s just say I make a very good grilled cheese.
- Sliced bread (if you are able to splurge for good bread or good cheese but not both, go for good bread)
- Lots of butter
- Pepper Jelly
- At least a fork, but preferably fork + pancake turner
- Melt the butter in the pan.
- Dip one side of one slice of bread into the melted butter, then set aside.
- Melt some more butter.
- Put a slice of bread into the pan.
- Put some cheese on that.
- Slather some pepper jelly on the non-buttery side of the slice of bread you set aside.
- Put the jelly side of the bread down on your cheese.
- Squish the sandwich with your fork or pancake turner.
- When the cheese is melty and the bottom of the sandwich is browning, flip it.
- Brown the buttery side of the jelly bread.
- Take it out of the pan.
- Eat it.
I guess you don’t have to use the pepper jelly, but screw that. It’s fantastic. Pepper jelly also BELONGS on burgers.
2. Drinkable Cake
Because it’s not technically liquid calories, right?
- About a tablespoon butter
- Vanilla extract
- Teensy bit of salt
- Microwave safe Container (I usually go with a mug)
- Melt the butter in the microwave.
- Add all the other crap. Amounts don’t matter, but I try to make the flour, sugar, and milk be approximately the same volume.
- Mix it.
- Drink it.
- Adjust ratio of sugar/flour/milk to get better consistency and flavor.
- Drink it some more.
- Wallow in self hatred.
You can make this chocolate by mixing cocoa powder in with the butter at the beginning. You can’t mix the cocoa in after nearly as well, which I don’t understand because theobromine should be sufficiently hydrophilic, but whatever. Maybe it depends on your cocoa processing and particle size.
You can also get a better texture by replacing some of the milk with an egg. You’ll just have to go for a desired texture rather than any sort of measurement, and it’s really hard to fit it in just a cup.
By adding just a touch of salt and baking powder, you can also put this in the microwave to cook and come out with a burning wad of disappointment instead!
A tasty, calorie-dense disaster that even drunk people can cook.
- 1 pack of ramen (not a cup noodle)
- Some water to cook the ramen in
- 2 or 3 eggs, it doesn’t matter
- A pat of butter
- Microwave Safe Bowl
- Almost any utensil
- Microwave cook the ramen noodles in the bowl. Measure the water or not, it doesn’t matter. I also don’t care how cooked it is, but I suggest at least until the noodles flop.
- Drain said ramen. Save the bowl on the side so you don’t have to dirty another one later.
- Put the pan at medium heat. Melt butter in the pan.
- Put the damn noodles in the pan. Stir them some.
- Crack the eggs in the bowl you just cooked the ramen in.
- Stir the ramen seasoning into the eggs.
- Pour eggs over ramen, then cook it like an omelette.
You can complicate this but make it next level by frying some onions in the butter before you add the noodles. You can do other, fancier stuff, but let’s be honest and admit we’re not making a Rammelette to be fancy. We’re making it because we’re desperate and not wearing enough pants to go to Denny’s.
Technically, you don’t have to cook the noodles, but it just doesn’t have the same effect. You just don’t have to dirty a bowl.
Do you have any go-to, super-easy meals or foods that you enjoy when you’re busy? Tell me about it in the comments!