Meet the Muse

“Pah! You’ve never had such adventure. How do you expect to write about space warriors or musketmen if you’ve never been one?” He leans over a bit and lights a pipe, but as he puffs the smoke has no scent. He’s not exactly real. He’s a figment, a muse.

Or so he’s led me to believe. Otherwise this smoke crap’s going to make me sick one day.

I type with nimble fingers despite his prodding. “If you’re such a stone-cold killer, why don’t you tell me how to write this? Get through this battle scene so I can go on with the politics I’m better at?”

“I will! I am your muse, after all. I’m also better at politics than you, so you can rely on me to help with that.” He clears his throat, straightens his bow tie, and puffs on his pipe. “Now, let me point you to some first-person accounts of a similar battle to the one you’re writing. It’ll tell you about how you trap them on a peninsula, burn their houses, and shoot the enemy as they swim across a river. It’s genius strategy, I tell you, genius.”

“Sounds like a massacre, not a battle.”

He points his pipe at me. “A massacre that worked, by the eternal. Did what it was supposed to.” It isn’t long before he returns the pipe to his mouth, puffing once more.

I put down my pen with a clack. “Do you just want me to chat with you instead of getting this done?”

“By no means! I just think you should wait until I get in a passion and write a first draft. Then you can flog my drivel and reminiscing into shape, and then we’ll publish.”

“Yeah. Rely on me to get published.” I snort. “Good plan.”

“It sounds like we are in total agreement then! You shall wait, and I will get out my pen to write something you can fix up. You won’t let me down, will you?”

I sigh. “I’m just going to do this myself. Even if your writing is realistic, there’s no literary quality at all.”

He puffs. “What happy circumstance! It seems we’re in agreement. I’ll get that rough draft done soon, after I finish this pipe. Perhaps after get some more reading done, maybe after Christmas, things like that.”

I type…

This was written as a response to D. Wallace Peach’s Meet the Muse. I’ve never thought much about my muse before, but I guess it’s probably a stodgy old man in a long-tailed tuxedo with a pipe. Then again, I’ve been told I’m really an old man anyway. Image is provided by D. Wallace Peach as well.

38 thoughts on “Meet the Muse

  1. D. Wallace Peach says:

    Lol. This was great, HRR. So clever and funny. Your muse sounds like a stodgy old mentor. I could see him casting himself in one of your stories. Thanks so much for playing along. I have this lined up for a reblog tomorrow. 🙂

  2. C.E.Robinson says:

    HRR, I wouldn’t go for a stodgy, old muse, but yours sounds like fun to have around. But he wouldn’t go for a No Smoking rule while we work. Then, he’d loose his perfect stodgy image. But should he meet my long curly haired muse Lilly, full of rhythm and voice, he’d definitely loose the stodginess. She’d charm & entice him to throw his pipe in the trash. Send him over, I could use a man muse perspective on my historical fiction book’s romance & a romantic entanglement scenes. Is he any good at helping with that? 📚🎶 Christine

  3. Audrey Driscoll says:

    Ever since Diana’s first post, I’ve been wondering if I have a muse. I even had a look on Pixabay, under “mysterious person.” No luck, but I think I saw your muse there–pipe, bowtie, attitude, the works. Meanwhile, I’ve concluded I’m muse-less.

      • Miriam Hurdle says:

        I’ve met two authors tried 10 years before landing on an agent or publisher. They pick what they think would sell. One author did the first book on assignment, not her choosing. You need to sell in thousand to see any profit. It’s an investment for someone coming out as a profession.
        I’m doing for personal enjoyment. 😊 Marketing is hard.

      • H.R.R. Gorman says:

        Oh yes, marketing is terrible. For me, I don’t think the profit would really make it worthwhile – it’s the sense of having more readers.

        And the “win” of publishing is a big deal. I’ve read enough indie and self-pubbed works to know that there’s tons of good stuff out there that isn’t published by big houses, but doing something like that is kind of the feather in the hat that I want. A sort of pride thing, I guess?

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